young chick < old hen

A young chicken. If I'm no longer a young chicken, what am I? An old hen. That just sounds rude. Young? No, I'm not that. Old? I don't think I am but if you were to ask 10 year old me if I'm old- then perhaps the answer wouldn't be the same. How in the world did we do what we did in our 20's and not die? Drinking. Vomiting just so we can fill our bellies with more alcohol. Driving home and not remembering it. How did we survive? And here we are in 2021 in our late 30s and taking our vitamins and falling asleep after 1 glass of wine. No more keggers. Every once in a while, we all get a wild hair where we think we are the same people that we were in our 20s only to regret it immensley. Last month, I had to have carpal tunnel release surgery due to the hormones I had during pregnancies which made my hands go numb and be in pain. Then, this past week, I went to the dermatologist to get a mole checked out which then ended up a whole body check and 3 concerns found. Including one on the bottom of my foot. Let me repeat that...THE BOTTOM of MY FOOT. I'm pretty sure I'd rather give birth than to do that again. I've been limping around now for a week and my right hand is still weak. Seriously, an old hen. I take it back. There are some days where I feel like an old hen. These past few months have been just that and then what is creeping up this week also? My birthday. An extra candle to blow out. haha I know it sounds as if I'm complaining. I'm not! I really am grateful to be here. Another year with my husband, our children, my family, and friends. Another year to see new things, make new adventures, travel to different places, hike different trails, to tan, and laugh, and try new things. I am one blessed old hen. However, this old hen has NO greys, only a few wrinkles, and can still kick her leg pretty high. haha

Ending and Beginning

As 2020 comes to an end, and I'm thinking of 2021's word of the year that promotes growth in myself, I feel a little discouraged because 2020's word which was organize was kind of a bust. So this year..I mean next year's word has to be powerful, encouraging, and do-able. As I write this, I'm still thinking about what my word will be. Maybe it will come to me by the end of this, maybe it'll come to me next month. I literally have no expectations. In this year, 2020, which was and still is filled with uncertainty, worry, and a new norm that we would like to reverse, I am reminded of how little I actually need. It's not about the shopping, getting my nails are hair done, or going out to dinner, among a million other things but these are some of the vain pleasures I enjoyed although rarely. It's taught me to rely on my family, faith, and to be honest- common sense. It's amazing how many don't have that last one. It's taught me to be more patient (although there are still days where my littles test it!!), it's taught me how to stretch my groceries, It's made me get up and move which is an important one! I was so tired of being stuck inside and needed an outlet. That outlet I found in my neighbors and by getting up before the sun to sweat and work out with a great group of ladies. It taught me to try new things and go to new places around my state. Other things that have happened in the year 2020- My children have become addicted to Fort Nite, lost teeth, started sleeping in a big girl bed -never mind that daddy or I have to join her in that bed-, started school, made a compost, made a garden, began landscaping in the backyard, had carpal tunnel surgery, bought a vehicle, kept up with our oil changes, taught 2/3 of the tribe to do their own laundry, binged on netflix, became obsessed with baby yoda, tried veganism, stopped watching our potty mouths (this needs to be rectified), actually decorated the house for christmas, bought a new tv, made the kids go on several hikes, created paths in the woods behind our house, met new neighbors, swam a lot, complained more, drank even more. This list was shortened because I dont want you to be bored. 2021, I have no expectations. One thing that I pride myself in, is letting things be as they will be. I am who I am, I like what I like, I do what I do. This is me. This is who I am and the people I surround myself with help me to grow, they help to educate me, they help to build me up and bring me back down when I need to, they make me laugh, they are there when I need to cry, they challenge me. I have found that the true people that want to be in your circle, will be there. You should never have to beg someone for friendship. So although my 2020 word was organize, I think truth would have been more appropriate. Maybe, in conclusion, I can have 2 words. One to start the year to motivate and encourage myself and then one to reflect on.

Cancel the noise

In my head, it can be very loud. Outside my head,it can be equaually loud. One I can sometimes quiet while the other not so much. There are a lot of things that are always happening. The to do list, the did I forget list, the shopping the list, the arguing with myself and justification of things I've done...or bought, the needs, the wants, the tell me about your day, the troubles, the praises, the issues, the jokes, the stories. Sound is all around all of the time. The dinging of my phone, the ringing of the doorbell, the cars going by. It's overwhelming. I've stopped watching TV but I've replaced it with my phone. It's annoying to be attatched to something. I'm aching to unplug. Unplug technology, stress, the city noise. I just want to cancel the noise for a bit. That is my Christmas wish. To unplug and listen without the noise interrupting...

Foul Language

My language during this pandemic has greatly increased to using words that used to make me gasp in shock. This stems from a family who forbade (is that a word..did I make it up?) me to say dang because it's just a substitute word for the real word, "damn". I find myself cursing like a sailor in front of my children because I'm short tempered or because something shocks me. The inside of my brain is rated R guys. But then I get these spells where I'm like NO. No more bad language. You are a role model, Damnit! and you need to start acting like it. So then my husband drops the "f bomb" and I'm all high and mighty and tell him that he needs to be more respectful and not use that kind of language in front of me or around the children. He gets pretty pissed at me because just the day before I was rapping eminem and dropping all kinds of language in front of who only knows and not only that but I also threatened violence. I see his point. But shouldn't he be all " you're right and I should do better" and also encourage me to be more lady like. It would be more appropriate. The man just asked me if I was writing a book because he sees me typing and then goes, " I hope it's not about murdering your family". Maybe he does get me.. Although, if he really knew me, he would stop being a scrooge and put the Christmas lights upside like I wanted him to without cursing up a storm... just sayin'

Starting Over

How many times have I told myself that I was going to start a blog? About a million and I have!!! BUT I have never kept up with it because my wants and needs are always on the backburner to my family's which is okay but I think for my mental health that I need to start taking some time for myself and that's exactly what I have been attempting to do during this pandemic. I'll explain more later I'm sure. I've always considered myself an open book even when it should be a private journal hidden under one's beds. The older I have gotten, the less other's opinions of me matter because I am the one who has to live with me so as long as I like myself, I'm totally good. It's been a journey to get to that point. It's hard to come to the realization that you're a grown up and you can't make everyone like you or want to be your friend. Life was much easier at 6 than it is at 36. So here I am. This is me and this will be being me, politely opinionated about whatever I want. My outlet, my diary, my whatever it is I want it to be. I guess time will tell. Who says resolutions have to only begin in January 1. 2020 will go down as an awful year no doubt but it has brought so many life lessons, time spent closely with family, and just eye opening as to how we live so freely and carefree without worry. It's not been the worst year for me but it definitely has put a damper on our usual routines which if you know me, my routines are everything. I'm such a pill when it comes to a routine. Hey! We all have our faults and this is a minor one of mine. haha